{"id":1267,"date":"2019-10-27T10:25:39","date_gmt":"2019-10-27T17:25:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/?p=1267"},"modified":"2019-11-26T18:18:25","modified_gmt":"2019-11-27T02:18:25","slug":"becoming-more","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/2019\/10\/27\/becoming-more\/","title":{"rendered":"Becoming More"},"content":{"rendered":"

[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.0.7″ background_image=”https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/andrea-content-background.jpg”][et_pb_row column_structure=”2_5,3_5″ _builder_version=”3.25″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”2_5″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_code admin_label=”Back Button Code” _builder_version=”3.29.1″ text_orientation=”left” custom_padding=”||10px|5px|false|false” animation_style=”fade” animation_delay=”500ms” locked=”off”][\/et_pb_code][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/I0000KnZof9atBNk.jpg” _builder_version=”4.0.7″ custom_margin=”||38px|||” custom_padding=”|||6px|false|false” animation_style=”fade” box_shadow_style=”preset2″ locked=”off”][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”3_5″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.0.7″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” hover_enabled=”0″ text_text_color=”#ffffff”]Becoming More
\nI had dinner with a friend this week and I said something that surprised me. She and I had a long history of friendship that we treasured. We had traveled together, we had shared countless dinners and stories, we had been privy to each other\u2019s relationship, marriages and divorces. We had witnessed each other\u2019s highs and lows. We had experimented with psychedelics and we had gone on cleansing fasts together. We had laughed with each other uproariously and we had sobbed in each other\u2019s arms.
\nAs I scanned our past experiences and remembered us together in so many different times and places, I knew exactly how she had looked. I knew how she had sounded. I knew her laugh and I knew how she cried. But I didn’t recognize myself. \u201cI don’t who I am any more,\u201d I heard myself saying to her. \u201cI look in the mirror and I don’t recognize the woman looking back at me.\u201d
\nOf course I didn’t look the same physically but I wasn\u2019t referring to aging. I wasn\u2019t regretting anything or wishing things had been different. I wasn\u2019t comparing my current self to my past self. I wasn\u2019t focusing on wrinkles or skin tone or the shape of my face. I was talking about the person behind the eyes. The ageless one who looked at me directly with no disguises or masks. I had seen a lot in my life so far, I had witnessed pain and sorrow, I had celebrated joy and success, and these experiences had changed me. As much as I remained familiar with the child inside, I was unfamiliar with whom I had become.
\nThese days, it feels like I have to meet myself again every day. I have to see how the current \u201cme\u201d feels and what she wants. I remember an Eastern guru who said that each morning when we wake up, we are not necessarily the same person who went to sleep the night before. I wondered, what does this person like? What are her pastimes? Who does she consider her nearest and dearest? While some of my friends have become closer and more aligned with me as time passes, others seem like they keep moving further away. I\u2019m not talking about rifts or problems I\u2019ve had with them. It\u2019s just the day to day experiences that have invited some people to come closer and others to step back into the distance.
\nAs I meet myself again, I don’t think that I\u2019ve become less. While there are things I don’t want to do any more and places I don’t want to go, I don’t see these changes as setbacks. Rather, I choose to see myself as becoming more. More compassionate. More patient. More careful to nurture myself. More mindful of how I treat other people and myself. More careful not to judge or make hasty decisions.
\nIf we become more of who we are every day, more authentic and more loving, imagine how beautiful, caring and integrated we\u2019ll be when we leave this reality for the next. In a sense, we are always pregnant with our future selves, the one we give birth to every single day.[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Becoming More I had dinner with a friend this week and I said something that surprised me. She and I had a long history of friendship that we treasured. We had traveled together, we had shared countless dinners and stories, we had been privy to each other\u2019s relationship, marriages and divorces. We had witnessed each […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"Becoming More<\/span>\r\n

I had dinner with a friend this week and I said something that surprised me. She and I had a long history of friendship that we treasured. We had traveled together, we had shared countless dinners and stories, we had been privy to each other\u2019s relationship, marriages and divorces. We had witnessed each other\u2019s highs and lows. We had experimented with psychedelics and we had gone on cleansing fasts together. We had laughed with each other uproariously and we had sobbed in each other\u2019s arms.<\/span><\/p>\r\n

As I scanned our past experiences and remembered us together in so many different times and places, I knew exactly how she had looked. I knew how she had sounded. I knew her laugh and I knew how she cried. But I didn't recognize myself. \u201cI don't who I am any more,\u201d I heard myself saying to her. \u201cI look in the mirror and I don't recognize the woman looking back at me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\r\n

Of course I didn't look the same physically but I wasn\u2019t referring to aging. I wasn\u2019t regretting anything or wishing things had been different. I wasn\u2019t comparing my current self to my past self. I wasn\u2019t focusing on wrinkles or skin tone or the shape of my face. I was talking about the person behind the eyes. The ageless one who looked at me directly with no disguises or masks. I had seen a lot in my life so far, I had witnessed pain and sorrow, I had celebrated joy and success, and these experiences had changed me. As much as I remained familiar with the child inside, I was unfamiliar with whom I had become.<\/span><\/p>\r\n

These days, it feels like I have to meet myself again every day. I have to see how the current \u201cme\u201d feels and what she wants. I remember an Eastern guru who said that each morning when we wake up, we are not necessarily the same person who went to sleep the night before. I wondered, what does this person like? What are her pastimes? Who does she consider her nearest and dearest? While some of my friends have become closer and more aligned with me as time passes, others seem like they keep moving further away. I\u2019m not talking about rifts or problems I\u2019ve had with them. It\u2019s just the day to day experiences that have invited some people to come closer and others to step back into the distance.<\/span><\/p>\r\n

As I meet myself again, I don't think that I\u2019ve become less. While there are things I don't want to do any more and places I don't want to go, I don't see these changes as setbacks. Rather, I choose to see myself as becoming more. More compassionate. More patient. More careful to nurture myself. More mindful of how I treat other people and myself. More careful not to judge or make hasty decisions.<\/span><\/p>\r\n

If we become more of who we are every day, more authentic and more loving, imagine how beautiful, caring and integrated we\u2019ll be when we leave this reality for the next. In a sense, we are always pregnant with our future selves, the one we give birth to every single day.<\/span><\/p>\r\n

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