MY WEEKLY BLOG<\/p>\n
The Gossip Club<\/p>\n
I had a friend who used to call me up and say, \u201cI\u2019m calling a\u00a0meeting of the Busybody Club.\u201d In other words, she wanted to gossip about
someone. She knew better, so did I, but I hate to admit that we couldn\u2019t\u00a0resist. We went at it shamelessly, it was satisfying in an odd sort of way, but\u00a0later, when I spoke to the person we had cut down, I felt like I had betrayed\u00a0her. Because I had. I felt ashamed. I liked her, she was doing the best she\u00a0could under difficult circumstances, and I recognized the harm I was causing\u00a0her and myself. Ancient Greek philosopher, Socrates, said, \u201cStrong minds\u00a0discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Weak minds discuss people.\u201d<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, most of us talk about other people behind\u00a0their backs. It\u2019s a bad habit which for some reason is tempting and satisfying
\u2013 for a little while \u2013 until it begins to turn sour\u00a0 in our stomachs. When I was in elementary school, the other kids didn’t like a girl named Lois because she was smarter than everyone else. They wanted to start a club called the \u201cI hate Lois Club.\u201d I didn\u2019t want to join. I actually liked Lois but I didn’t want to be left out. When I told my mother about it, she told me how cruel it was. I felt the same way and when I got up the courage to tell the other girls I wasn\u2019t joining, they disbanded the club. I had learned a lesson about being a mean girl.<\/p>\n
The way I see it, we gossip for several reasons. First, when
we feel insecure, it makes us think we\u2019re better than someone else. Second, we engage\u00a0in a kind of bonding, two against one, with the person we’re talking to (psychologists\u00a0call it triangulation) and we feel connected and somewhat superior. Third,\u00a0we’re frustrated because someone won\u2019t do things our way, they don’t see the
world the way we do, and we want to feel justified in thinking that our way is\u00a0the right way. In the words of American writer and socialite, Alice Roosevelt\u00a0Longsworth, \u201cIf you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit\u00a0next to me.\u201d<\/p>\n
When we speak negatively about someone, once we hang up the
phone or part ways with our co-conspirator, we start to feel guilty and unsafe.\u00a0We feel less trusting and more suspicious. \u201cIf she could gossip with me about our\u00a0friend,\u201d I think, \u201cshe can gossip with our friend about me, too.\u201d We just don\u2019t\u00a0know what people have been through, how their trials have affected them and how\u00a0much they\u2019ve suffered. In the lore of Native Americans, \u201cBefore you judge a\u00a0man, walk a mile in his moccasins.\u201d It\u2019s a good reminder for me to stop
sticking my nose into someone\u2019s else\u2019s business.<\/p>\n
The gossip mill is like a hamster wheel. When you find\u00a0yourself on it, you don’t know how to get off. You hear judgments spilling out \u00a0of your mouth, but you can\u2019t seem to stop. I cringe when I judge someone about\u00a0what they’re doing and then later that day, I find myself doing the very same\u00a0thing. In general, no matter how it sounds, people are talking about themselves\u00a0and we criticize others for what we think we lack.<\/p>\n
Like all bad habits, it takes practice and commitment to
stop gossiping. It\u2019s not the human condition. It\u2019s a choice, something over which we can exert control and make changes. If we\u2019re judgmental \u00a0toward\u00a0ourselves, we judge other people. But if we\u2019re compassionate toward ourselves,\u00a0we are compassionate with other people. If we treat ourselves badly, we do the\u00a0same to others. But if we prefer kindness over cruelty, we can use our penchant\u00a0for gossip as a barometer for our self-worth and right action. I decided to hang
up my membership to the busybody club. Instead of finding fault, I\u2019d rather give\u00a0praise. Instead of criticism, I\u2019d rather encourage. Instead of judging, I\u2019d\u00a0rather be a kinder and more compassionate human being and do what I can to ease\u00a0someone else\u2019s pain in this crazy world of ours.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
MY WEEKLY BLOG The Gossip Club I had a friend who used to call me up and say, \u201cI\u2019m calling a\u00a0meeting of the Busybody Club.\u201d In other words, she wanted to gossip aboutsomeone. She knew better, so did I, but I hate to admit that we couldn\u2019t\u00a0resist. We went at it shamelessly, it was satisfying […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":1952,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1953","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1953","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1953"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1953\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1952"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1953"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1953"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1953"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}