MY WEEKLY BLOG<\/p>\n
Shhh \u2013 DON’T TELL<\/p>\n
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A woman walked into my house some years ago and sat on my
couch. She was blond and slim, you could say she was a small woman, but her\u00a0stature was the only part of her that was small. She was holding a manuscript she\u00a0had written that she wanted me to edit for her. It was called<\/p>\n
\u201cDirty Woman:\u00a0Being HIV in a Crowded Room.\u201d<\/p>\n
Her husband had infected her with HIV and\u00a0demanded she keep it a secret because of the stigma. She helped him die,\u00a0everyone thought it was from cancer and she never told the truth to anyone\u00a0until years later about his diagnosis or her own. \u201cIt must have been so painful
to watch your husband die like that,\u201d I said. I was taken aback when she replied,\u00a0\u201cAIDS wasn\u2019t the hardest part. Neither was getting HIV. Keeping the secret was\u00a0what nearly killed me.\u201d<\/p>\n
During this last week, three people called me and said,\u00a0\u201cDon’t tell anyone, but . . .\u201d I assured them I\u2019d keep their secrets, but when
I hung up, I wished I hadn\u2019t. I didn’t feel good about colluding with someone\u00a0about something that they deemed so important, no one should know about it but\u00a0me. Why me? It was an unwanted responsibility. What if I was chatting with a\u00a0friend and I inadvertently leaked it? I would have to ask the third party to\u00a0keep it a secret, they might leak it, and on and on it would go. Benjamin\u00a0Franklin said, \u201cThree can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.\u201d<\/p>\n
I have practice keeping secrets. I\u2019ve ghostwritten for celebrities\u00a0who had me sign confidentiality agreements, often more lengthy than the writing\u00a0contracts. I understand. It ensures safety for someone who knows the nightmare\u00a0of having his or her private life exposed in tabloids or gossip radio and TV\u00a0shows. It frees them up to speak unedited during our interviews, to talk freely\u00a0without awkwardness or fear. I have to keep assuring them that no one will\u00a0misquote them or tell lies in their books. They get the final edit.<\/p>\n
I didn’t tell their secrets back then and I still haven\u2019t. For\u00a0starters, there would be legal repercussions for me if I spilled the beans, but
I wouldn\u2019t do it anyway. Publishers have offered me the big bucks to write an \u201cunauthorized\u00a0biography,\u201d the story of a celebrity\u2019s life without their permission. Ah, the\u00a0tell-all book I could write if I were a different person. The trysts, family\u00a0feuds, the stigma of illnesses and embarrassing encounters. But I have no\u00a0interest in exposing the underbellies of other human beings. I hold their\u00a0secrets \u201cclose to the vest,\u201d as they say. That\u2019s about business.<\/p>\n
In my private life, it’s a different story. I don’t like\u00a0being caught in the middle when two people tell me things they don\u2019t want the\u00a0other person to know. I like to be there for support, to be a sounding board
and a comfort, but beyond that, I don’t want to have to remember not to tell. That\u00a0kind of burden sends a danger alert through my body that makes me feel less\u00a0spontaneous and more guarded. Judge Judy says, \u201cIf you tell the truth, you\u00a0don’t have to have a good memory.\u201d<\/p>\n
A few days ago, someone invited me to a screening of a new movie
with a caveat, \u201cDon\u2019t tell Laura,\u201d she said. \u201cI didn’t invite her and I don\u2019t\u00a0want to hurt her feelings. Just keep it a secret.\u201d I thought a moment, said\u00a0thank you and I declined the invitation. Laura was a good friend of mine. I\u00a0didn’t want to have to lie if we were talking casually and she said, \u201dSo what\u00a0are you doing tonight?\u201d<\/p>\n
I choose to live with a minimum of stress and anxiety. There\u00a0is enough of that free floating in the world without manufacturing or setting\u00a0myself up for more. When someone starts to whisper something in my ear that\u00a0needs to stay between the two of us, I tell them as kindly as possible, \u201cI\u00a0don’t want to keep your secrets. Tell someone else or better still, don’t tell\u00a0anyone.\u201d For me that’s the most loving thing I can say.<\/p>\n
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\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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