MY WEEKLY BLOG<\/p>\n
BE A WITNESS, NOT A JUDGE<\/p>\n
Love is the answer,
whatever the question.<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 – – – Wayne Dyer<\/p>\n
The above quote may sound a little airy fairy, but no one\u00a0ever criticized the Beatles for singing, \u201cAll you need is love.\u201d When I was spending\u00a0a great deal of my time writing other people\u2019s stories, I was surprised to get a\u00a0big lesson in love.<\/p>\n
Ghostwriting can be extremely anxiety producing. Over the\u00a0decades that I\u2019ve done this work, the most challenging part is not the interviewing\u00a0or the writing. Those things are demanding but I feel the most challenged when\u00a0I\u2019m about to meet a celebrity client for the first time, to face someone whose\u00a0reputation precedes them, good or bad. I\u2019ve found ways to stay calm as I wait for\u00a0a legend to walk through the door. I slow my breathing and discipline myself to
overlook any gossip that may be circulating in the tabloids or on social media.\u00a0There is no way to know what is real and what is made up so I don\u2019t try to\u00a0determine that. I remind myself to believe what my client is telling me as I\u00a0leave any preconceived notions at the door and get ready to meet someone who is\u00a0living a public life and dealing with the difficulties that come along with\u00a0that. My job is to be a witness, not a judge. When they arrive for the first\u00a0meeting, my job is to listen and see them as they are. Not to change them or
challenge them or fawn over them.<\/p>\n
When Magic Johnson walked into the room in his basketball\u00a0gear, I was overwhelmed when he put out his large hand to shake mine that was\u00a0about half the size of his. But when I got a hold of myself, I noticed that the\u00a0man sitting across from me had a limp in his right leg, had tested HIV positive\u00a0and had to take the pharmaceutical cocktails that would stop him from dying.<\/p>\n
When I heard Diana Ross humming a tune, I reminded myself\u00a0that she was an exhausted mother of two young boys who had no idea who she was.\u00a0She was also a daughter and a wife who happened to sound like Diana Ross when\u00a0she sang in the shower.<\/p>\n
When I worked with John Densmore, the \u201cDoors\u201d drummer, and\u00a0he reminisced about \u201cJim,\u201d he was telling an anecdote about his fellow band\u00a0mate, Jim Morrison, and how hard it was to control him and work with him.<\/p>\n
When Prince Andrew referred to \u201cMummy,\u201d well, we all know\u00a0who he was talking about and the black cloud that is following him around.<\/p>\n
In order to stay grounded in my work, I view a celebrity,\u00a0not how he or she appears on the stage or screen, but rather as a human being
with strengths and frailties not unlike my own. I make sure to look them\u00a0straight in the eye to show them I\u2019m not intimidated or competitive. I don\u2019t\u00a0think about how I can benefit from the work we are about to do. Here\u2019s the\u00a0important part: I consider what I can offer them, how I can bring love and\u00a0healing into the space as they search their subconscious minds to reveal the\u00a0stories they\u2019ve hidden away. No matter how strident their attitude may look, every\u00a0human being needs love and I make sure they understand that I\u2019m not a threat.
I\u2019m a fellow traveler doing my job as I listen and gently ask the hard
questions to make their memoir interesting. Being compassionate in my work allows\u00a0me to know when to dig deep and when to back off. It helps me climb on the raft\u00a0and maneuver the rapids with someone instead of swimming beside them and trying\u00a0not to drown.<\/p>\n
The key here is how leading with love and compassion allows people\u00a0to trust me with their intimate stories. I have to keep showing them I am not a\u00a0threat. That I am not swayed by their public personas so it\u2019s safe for them to\u00a0show me who they truly are and what they have gone through to make them the\u00a0person they have become.<\/p>\n
Being loving and compassionate, listening as a witness, not\u00a0a judge, is a way I try to live my life, day to day. I want to make my friends
feel at ease so instead of having to defend themselves, they can open up and be\u00a0real. They can tell the truth and not feel ashamed of themselves. Everyone wants\u00a0to be heard and understood and that\u2019s something I can offer if I can keep\u00a0myself in the right head space.<\/p>\n
Of course there are exceptions. I\u2019m not about to strike up a
conversation with someone who talks incessantly, doesn’t listen and I can never\u00a0get a word in. That\u2019s a monologue, not a dialogue and they might as well be\u00a0talking into a mirror. It\u2019d be better to walk away in these cases, but more\u00a0often, people are feeling as tentative as I am. They want a place to feel safe,\u00a0an ear to listen to them and the sense that I\u2019m genuinely interested in what\u00a0they\u2019re talking about.<\/p>\n
If you can remember to receive what someone is telling you,\u00a0if you listen with kindness and real interest instead of thinking about what you\u00a0want to say next, judgments will dissolve, relationships will become smoother,\u00a0work will go easier and you\u2019ll feel better at the end of a day. Relationships\u00a0of all kinds require give and take, hearing and caring, a peaceful atmosphere to\u00a0relax into and an open heart. Take off the black robes. Put down the gavel. Listen\u00a0as a witness, not a judge, and the rest will take care of itself.<\/p>\n
Spiritual guide, Stephen Levine, said, \u201cWhat the world\u00a0really needs are good receivers.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
MY WEEKLY BLOG BE A WITNESS, NOT A JUDGE Love is the answer,whatever the question. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 – – – Wayne Dyer The above quote may sound a little airy fairy, but no one\u00a0ever criticized the Beatles for singing, \u201cAll you need is love.\u201d When I was spending\u00a0a great deal of my time writing other people\u2019s […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":2132,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2133","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2133","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2133"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2133\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2134,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2133\/revisions\/2134"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2132"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2133"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2133"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2133"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}