WHAT DO YOU KNOW?<\/p>\n
We don’t know what we know. Or how much we know. Or how well
we know it.<\/p>\n
After writing and editing professionally since 1988, I\u00a0offered my first six-week writing class series in March, 2016. I was qualified.\u00a0I\u2019d written many books, more than a dozen had landed on the bestseller lists\u00a0and I had a daily writing practice. So why was I so anxious when my students\u00a0started arriving?<\/p>\n
The first knock on the door came at 7 PM. I hugged each person
who entered the room, there were eight, I offered them something to drink, a\u00a0few snacks and I invited them to take a seat. I perched at the edge of my\u00a0straight backed chair at the front of my living room, trying to slow my breath,\u00a0looking from face to face. I stopped at my close friend, Laurie. She nodded. I\u00a0had invited her to join the class so she could support me since she\u2019d been a\u00a0dance instructor for decades and she knew the ins and outs of teaching.<\/p>\n
Actually, do did I. The truth was that I\u2019d been teaching as\u00a0long as I\u2019d been writing, guiding my celebrity clients through the stories of
their lives and helping people tell the truth about their feelings. But the\u00a0critical voice inside kept telling me that just because I knew how to write didn\u2019t\u00a0mean that I could teach. I was choking on a heavy dose of the Imposter\u00a0Syndrome. Who did I think I was? What made me think I knew enough to help these\u00a0people write? I pretended to be cool and collected. I was good at that. I\u2019d\u00a0learned the hard way during my ballet training how to smile when I was in pain,\u00a0how to look serene when I was agitated. But inside, the winds were swirling.<\/p>\n
I picked up a sheet of paper with the steps I\u2019d worked out. Having\u00a0a plan calms me down.<\/p>\n
Step #1: Welcome my students and give them a brief summary
of what to expect.<\/p>\n
Step #2: Ask each person to say their name and why they were
there.<\/p>\n
Step #3: Lead a short meditation.<\/p>\n
I began the next part by addressing the inner critic and its\u00a0evil ways. Then I read a prompt I\u2019d created to get people going and told them
they\u2019d be writing for the next forty minutes. I encouraged them to keep the pen\u00a0moving no matter how it felt. I leaned back in my chair and sat there quietly.\u00a0After about ten minutes, when they were deeply engrossed in what they\u00a0were doing, I got up and walked into my adjoining office. I exhaled\u00a0hard as I sat at my computer and fretted, wondering what I would do when they\u00a0started asking me questions that I didn’t know how to answer. Why was I doing\u00a0this? What made me think I had anything of value to share? A better question\u00a0would have been, what made me think I didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
When the time was up, I came back into the room and I asked\u00a0who wanted to read first. A woman lifted her hand half-way. Clearly a
courageous sort. \u201cI just need to get it over with,\u201d she said and she began\u00a0reading. I focused my attention on her and at that moment, everything shifted.\u00a0I was instantly enchanted, hungry to hear what she had to say and to feel the\u00a0emotions that went along with it. All sense of self-doubt dissolved, I forgot\u00a0about myself and I began to do what I knew and loved doing \u2013 listen to writings\u00a0and offer help to make them better.<\/p>\n
As the readings picked up momentum, I suddenly realized that\u00a0I\u2019d been answering people\u2019s questions for more than an hour. It was second\u00a0nature to me because I had encountered the same problems over the years and I\u00a0had figured them out as I went along. My students weren\u2019t the only ones who were learning something. I saw that I didn’t know what I knew. Or\u00a0how much I knew. Or how well I knew it. \u00a0<\/p>\n
When I was sixteen, an up and coming ballerina, I decided to
audition for the Harkness Ballet Company. I was terrified, I didn’t know if I\u00a0was good enough to be chosen, but I didn’t back down. I decided to show up, fear\u00a0and all. I was one of 250 dancers and the audition was as intensive as the famous\u00a0one in the Broadway show, \u201cA Chorus Line.\u201d It went on for eight hours and I\u00a0didn’t always know what they wanted me to do, but I stuck it out and I did my\u00a0best. I was so anxious, I didn\u2019t eat anything all day except a few apple slices.\u00a0I just kept on dancing and they kept eliminating people. It was five in the\u00a0evening, I was standing in a line with five other dancers when the ballet\u00a0master told us, \u201cCongratulations! You made it.\u201d<\/p>\n
I remember that moment when I\u2019m afraid to do something. I\u00a0encourage myself to walk through it, to keep dancing or writing or figuring out\u00a0a computer program. Whatever it is, it\u2019s about resilience and refusing to back\u00a0down. It\u2019s about trusting that you don’t know everything but you know something\u00a0and you can learn the rest as you go along.<\/p>\n
I don’t agree with the idea that we teach what we need to\u00a0learn. That doesn\u2019t feel right to me, but it feels right to teach what we need\u00a0to keep practicing. Whenever we do something we haven’t done before, it\u2019s like\u00a0facing a speed bump in the road. We can decide it\u2019s too hard to tackle and turn\u00a0around. Or we can search for the most efficient way to get past it. We can slow\u00a0down, gently approach the obstruction, keep our foot relaxed on the brake, feel\u00a0a slight chug on the wheels as we rise up and before we know it, we’re on the other side. We\u2019re triumphant. We\u2019re home free – until the next speed bump
shows up.\u00a0It will, you can be sure of that, but if you face it head on, the obstacle will\u00a0become a puzzle and when you solve it, you\u2019ll realize that you didn\u2019t really\u00a0know how much you know.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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