I don’t want what I used to want. I\u2019m glad about that. When\u00a0my writing career was at its peak, book deals, large advances and making the bestseller\u00a0lists were very important to me. When I worked on a celebrity memoir, (the bigger\u00a0the celebrity, the more complicated the job) there were hard negotiations about\u00a0where my name would appear on the cover and how large the lettering would be.\u00a0It all mattered since these kinds of things were instrumental in my getting\u00a0noticed and being hired again. \u00a0<\/p>\n
I once did a memoir for a renowned female TV anchor and my
name was on the cover. \u201cWith Andrea Cagan,\u201d it read. When she appeared on the\u00a0David Letterman show to promote the book, I was excited, but when they held it\u00a0up for the camera, white tape had been pasted over my name. I called her agent\u00a0to complain, but he said, \u201cJust leave her alone. She\u2019s going on a twenty city book\u00a0tour and she doesn’t need any drama.\u201d<\/p>\n
This was not a one time occurrence. I worked with a rock star\u00a0and when her cover was finished, they had printed my name in grey lettering on\u00a0a grey background. I wrote a book for a famous chanteuse\/actress who went on\u00a0Oprah to discuss \u201cthe writing process.\u201d I worked for a year with a\u00a0psychotherapist who stood at the front of a room to promote her NY Times #1 bestseller\u00a0and \u201cforgot\u201d to thank me. \u00a0<\/p>\n
It was all ego shattering but I got used to it after a\u00a0while. I tried to remember that whether or not the book celebrated me, my words
and ideas had gone out to countless people and made an impression on them. My\u00a0motivational books changed people\u2019s lives. The memoirs inspired people. The\u00a0tragedy to triumph stories had given people hope.<\/p>\n
My ghostwriting days were\u00a0difficult and demanding but they were also rewarding. I met highly talented\u00a0individuals who led exciting lives. I sat at their dinner tables, I had\u00a0intimate discussions with them and I found out how they developed their skills.\u00a0Along with their power and fame, I came to know their weaknesses, foibles,\u00a0insecurities and fears and dreads. A singer threw up from fear before she went\u00a0on stage. A couple waxed on about their loving relationship while their\u00a0marriage was on the rocks. An actor claimed to be sober when he was on his way to\u00a0rehab for the third time.<\/p>\n
The more I forgot about credit,\u00a0the more I came back home relieved to be me. I didn\u2019t have to go on national\u00a0book tours. I didn’t have to be camera ready when I went to the grocery store.I didn’t have\u00a0 relationship breakups in public, paparazzi hounding me and \u00a0nasty lies in the tabloids. I became content to do my work, go to the bank and make like a ghost and disappear.<\/p>\n
One day, when I had completed an\u00a0exceptionally stressful project, I came out from under the ghost\u2019s white sheet,\u00a0I let it all go and the stress lifted immediately. I didn’t care about big book\u00a0deals any longer. There were no more impossible deadlines or dealing with
agents, publicists, publishers and ego driven celebrities. All I had to deal\u00a0with was me and what I wanted to say, and even if no one read it, it didn\u2019t\u00a0matter to me any more.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you could have your pick, whose\u00a0life do you really want to write about?\u201d someone asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy own,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
When Covid forced us into lockdown,\u00a0I walked around my house and looked at the keepsakes I had. I touched objects\u00a0that triggered vivid memories about my past so I decided to write about what\u00a0had shaped me into the person I\u2019ve become. The work was compelling and I had no\u00a0particular form in mind. Was I writing a blog? An essay? A book? I didn\u2019t stop\u00a0to figure it out. I just let the thoughts spill onto the page with no regard\u00a0for themes, connecting threads or segues.<\/p>\n
Now I have a large number of\u00a0stories written with no need or desire to do anything in particular with them.\u00a0I share one with a friend from time to time but since there is no tangible\u00a0destination, getting credit doesn’t plague me. The writing has become my meditation\u00a0and my healing as I watch with wonder as the pages fill up with no apparent
effort on my part. Isn\u2019t that enough?<\/p>\n
During a short mediation at the\u00a0beginning of each of my writing classes, I ask my students to put their\u00a0attention on their breath and see their thoughts dissolving at the edges like\u00a0drifting clouds. My stories have become my personal clouds. They are my breath,
my thoughts and my inspiration. There is nothing to take credit for and nothing\u00a0to be ashamed of. They are my life.<\/p>\n
I worked with a member of the White House Press Corps who told
me about a card sitting on a President\u2019s desk:<\/p>\n
THERE IS NO LIMIT TO WHAT A MAN\u00a0CAN DO<\/p>\n
OR WHERE HE CAN GO<\/p>\n
IF HE DOESN\u2019T MIND WHO GETS THE\u00a0CREDIT<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I don’t want what I used to want. I\u2019m glad about that. When\u00a0my writing career was at its peak, book deals, large advances and making the bestseller\u00a0lists were very important to me. When I worked on a celebrity memoir, (the bigger\u00a0the celebrity, the more complicated the job) there were hard negotiations about\u00a0where my name would […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":2346,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2347","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2347","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2347"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2347\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2348,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2347\/revisions\/2348"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2346"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2347"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2347"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2347"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}