Several years ago, I was driving\u00a0along the Pacific Coast Highway on my way to the Getty Museum. Over the years,\u00a0I was fortunate to build a beautiful relationship with Oscar-winning actress\u00a0Olympia Dukakis (she is no longer with us), and she had invited me to attend
her reading of the Greek play, Lysistrata. It was an account of one woman\u2019s\u00a0extraordinary mission to end the Peloponnesian war by talking the other women\u00a0into denying sex to their husbands and lovers until they stopped fighting.<\/p>\n
As I sped along the highway, the\u00a0ocean was to my left and I marveled at the colorful prisms that reflected off the\u00a0water. It was so bright, it almost blinded me. I took it all in, excited that I\u00a0was about see my friend . . . until I began obsessing over an email I forgot to
return. I stopped noticing the beauty of the ocean or thinking about the friend\u00a0I was about to see. That email was all I could think about.<\/p>\n
After about fifteen minutes, when I\u00a0had worked myself into a frenzy, I pulled over, sent the email and got back on\u00a0the road. Once again, I heard the waves thundering onto the shore, they made a\u00a0powerful crashing sound and I was feeling good. . . until I turned into the
museum and got stressed about finding a place to park. I drove round and round,\u00a0afraid I would never find the parking lot, when a guard arrived and showed me where to leave my car. I walked into the museum in excited anticipation.<\/p>\n
The reading was inspiring, so was\u00a0the time I got to spend with Olympia and when I got back home, I felt inspired\u00a0. . . until I got a message on my phone that my Bluetooth thermostat was\u00a0offline. What if I couldn\u2019t find someone to help me fix it? What if it never
worked again? My worry overpowered the wonderful visit I\u2019d just had and instead\u00a0of feeling fulfilled, I was afraid that I\u2019d end up with no heat in the middle\u00a0of winter.<\/p>\n
When the connection came back\u00a0online after a short period of time, I was relieved and I relaxed . . . until I\u00a0remembered that I was having trouble with my printer. What if I couldn’t get it\u00a0to work before my current project was due? Do you get the picture?<\/p>\n
Worries are waiting in line,\u00a0determined to take their turn after the current one is resolved. We miss so\u00a0much when our fears and obsessions take over. I had a birthday party with my\u00a0closest friends and when they left, I was walking on air, thrilled that so many\u00a0people loved me. . . until I remembered I had a meeting in the morning that I
was nervous about. All the joy went out of me and I went to sleep feeling\u00a0stressed and anxious.<\/p>\n
Like the examples above, when my mind\u00a0flits around like an orangutan jumping from branch to branch and never settling
anywhere, I imagine a barrier that thrives on worst case scenarios. I call it\u00a0my \u201cworry wall,\u201d a dizzying place that juggles me around, flips me upside down,\u00a0teases me with false hope and covers the light with darkness. It\u2019s connected to\u00a0a lot of false stories, the \u201cWhat if\u201d and \u201cI can’t \u201ckind. At times I see a\u00a0committee in my head that meets beside the wall, choosing what thoughts to burden\u00a0me with in that moment and convincing me that I have no say in the matter. No\u00a0place at the table. At other times, I wake up and the meeting is already in\u00a0progress. They started without me and have unanimously decided how to make me\u00a0uncomfortable that day.<\/p>\n
I work hard to disarm this barrier.\u00a0The first thing I do is become aware that my back is against the worry wall. I\u2019m\u00a0trapped in a familiar place that feels terrible but I\u2019m not sure how to get out
of it so I turn to my tried and true method to cope. I focus on my breath. I\u00a0inhale and exhale and it helps me slow down my thoughts, settle my anxiety and\u00a0take inventory. I ask myself, Are these fearful stories lies or the truth? Am I\u00a0stuck with the negativity or is there a way to deactivate it?<\/p>\n
I find some comfort when I remember\u00a0that the wall is porous, not solid. I search for the gaps where pinpoints of\u00a0light peek through. Leonard Cohen wrote:<\/p>\n
\u201cThere is a crack in everything.
That\u2019s how the light gets in.\u201d<\/p>\n
I imagine fitting my fingers into\u00a0the small openings, applying pressure and watching them get larger and larger\u00a0until the wall dissolves and nothing is left but the light from the other side.\u00a0This state of peace doesn\u2019t usually stay with me for very long. I\u2019m not that
good at maintaining it yet. But the more I\u2019m determined to take down the wall,\u00a0the clearer the path forward becomes.<\/p>\n
When I was writing a book for Wendy\u00a0Walker, former member of the White House Press corps and executive producer for\u00a0the Larry King Show for 17 years, I interviewed a CNN reporter. He was standing
close by when Reagan said for all the world to hear, \u201cMr. Gorbachev, tear down\u00a0this wall.\u201d The reporter turned to his cameraman and said, \u201cYeah, like that\u2019s\u00a0going to happen.\u201d A couple of years later, the German people tore down the\u00a0barrier that divided East from West.<\/p>\n
The worry wall\u2019s job is to intimidate\u00a0you with nothing to offer you but stress and regret. Your job is to face your\u00a0fears and remember that you are more powerful than any barrier that tries to\u00a0keep your peace at bay. Spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle says, \u201cWorry pretends
to be necessary, but it serves no useful purpose.\u201d So take the time to dig deep\u00a0and recognize what\u2019s causing you unnecessary pain, place your attention on your\u00a0breath and tear down that wall.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Several years ago, I was driving\u00a0along the Pacific Coast Highway on my way to the Getty Museum. Over the years,\u00a0I was fortunate to build a beautiful relationship with Oscar-winning actress\u00a0Olympia Dukakis (she is no longer with us), and she had invited me to attendher reading of the Greek play, Lysistrata. It was an account of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":2440,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2441","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2441","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2441"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2441\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2442,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2441\/revisions\/2442"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2440"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2441"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2441"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2441"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}