Each\u00a0morning I get up, I have coffee, I scan the LA Times for news that often aggravates\u00a0my nervous system and then I go to the computer. Writing is my meditation. I\u00a0don\u2019t sit with my legs crossed, my spine erect, my eyes closed, my thumb andfirst finger touching and I don\u2019t watch my breath. I prefer to watch the page\u00a0fill up with words.<\/p>\n
For\u00a0some people, traditional meditation is extremely beneficial. I\u2019m inspired by\u00a0the teachings of some famous meditators like the Dalai Lama, Pema Chodron, Ram\u00a0Dass and Thich Nhat Hanh. But that isn\u2019t me. I\u2019ve had meditation practices in\u00a0the past. I went on a silent Sufi retreat. I was initiated into Transcendental\u00a0Meditation (TM) and I sat with groups and breathed, but none of it gave me\u00a0solace. Writing, however did and it still does.<\/p>\n
I have some guilt about that. I think I \u201cshould\u201d do it differently, that I should\u00a0sit and meditate like many people on a spiritual path recommend. I wonder if\u00a0they\u2019re more spiritual than I am. I\u2019m in the habit of comparing myself to other\u00a0people and the way they do things, but I get the same benefits from writing\u00a0that dedicated meditators get from sitting. I lose time. My body softens. My
breathing slows down. My wild mind stops grating against my nervous system. And\u00a0I get the added attraction of energizing the creative part of my brain that is\u00a0always hungry to find meaning and a sense of purpose in my life.<\/p>\n
While\u00a0writing with no destination is an ego challenge, \u201cWhy bother? Who will read\u00a0it?\u201d you might think. \u201cHow will I know if it\u2019s any good? It probably sucks.\u201d<\/p>\n
I\u00a0understand these ruminations. When I wrote my bestsellers, I knew the publishing\u00a0houses, the editors, the agents, what they expected from me and how to meet difficult\u00a0deadlines. I was thrilled that my books were widely accepted and celebrated by\u00a0critics. That was then. Today, I coach writers, I edit their manuscripts and I help\u00a0them organize their thoughts, but I don\u2019t write for anyone else. I write about\u00a0what inspires me. I post my blogs and some spiritual reflections regularly on\u00a0Substack and Facebook and I don\u2019t wonder if they\u2019re good or bad. I read my pieces\u00a0to my friends and sometimes they spark an interesting conversation. I read my pieces\u00a0to myself to see what I\u2019m feeling and how I\u2019m dealing with my life challenges.\u00a0These days, that\u2019s enough.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m\u00a0not saying that writing as a mediation is easy. It\u2019s hard not to feel
invisible. It\u2019s like dancing alone in a room. It\u2019s like seeing something
magnificent and not having someone to share it with.\u00a0It\u2019s\u00a0like making a sand castle and seeing a wave wash onto the shore and destroy it.\u00a0In the Buddhist tradition, a group of monks spend many days creating a\u00a0magnificent mandala out of colored sand. When it\u2019s finished, they appreciate\u00a0the beauty, they pray and chant, they extend it as an offering, and then they take\u00a0their fingers and deliberately destroy it as a symbol of impermanence. There is
no admiration or complements. No pat on the back for creating something so beautiful.\u00a0The meaning is in the doing and that is what I aspire to with my writing.<\/p>\n
I\u00a0do my best to have no attachments to what other people think about my work. You\u00a0know the old adage, \u201cWhat other people think of me is none of my business. When\u00a0you don\u2019t care what anyone else thinks, your creation doesn\u2019t have to be\u00a0witnessed to make it meaningful and purposeful. It can stand alone as a symbol\u00a0of your personal expression.<\/p>\n
There\u00a0is a long list of celebrated artists who never got praise or fame when they\u00a0were alive. They might have wanted recognition but when it didn\u2019t come, they did\u00a0their work for themselves to satisfy their need to be creative. Here are a few\u00a0examples:<\/p>\n
Master\u00a0painter Vincent Van Gogh sold two paintings in his lifetime, one to his brother\u00a0and the other to a London art gallery. And he never stopped painting.<\/p>\n
Paul\u00a0Cezanne\u2019s paintings were rejected from the famous Salon d\u2019Automne for six\u00a0straight years. But he never stopped painting. It\u2019s ironic that one year after\u00a0his death, he was inducted into the same Salon and given the recognition he\u00a0rightfully deserved.<\/p>\n
Herman\u00a0Melville\u2019s blockbuster novel, Moby Dick, was poorly received and the author experienced\u00a0financial failure. Still, he continued to write books that were not the least\u00a0bit successful. When he died, he was little more than a footnote in American\u00a0literature. Today, he is considered one of America\u2019s greatest authors.<\/p>\n
These\u00a0luminaries who got no outer recognition didn\u2019t allow a lack of success and\u00a0approval to stop them from doing what they were moved to do. Or what they\u00a0needed to do. I don\u2019t have the audacity to compare myself to these masters, but\u00a0I do find resonance in the fact that I\u2019ve learned to fall in love with the writing\u00a0process and use it to improve my quality of life. When I was a ballet dancer,\u00a0we trained much more than we performed. Our choreographers and coaches didn\u2019t\u00a0mete out compliments so we watched ourselves in the wall-to-wall mirrors and\u00a0became our own cheerleaders. I use what I learned as a ballerina to exercise my\u00a0discipline to keep on writing and appreciate myself and my work.<\/p>\n
When I wonder why I bother writing if no one\u00a0will read it, I ask myself, \u201cAm I no one? Am I not important enough to be the
one to witness my own creativity? Am I not nurturing enough to appreciate the\u00a0beauty of what I\u2019ve done?\u201d When I was a child, it was all about, \u201cLook Mom,\u00a0watch me dive into the pool. Watch me do the splits. Listen to the poem I just\u00a0wrote.\u201d My mother isn\u2019t here anymore. If someone appreciates my creativity, it\u00a0feels good and I\u2019m grateful. If they don\u2019t, my task is to find the place inside\u00a0me where the good mother lives on and value myself and all that I do.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Each\u00a0morning I get up, I have coffee, I scan the LA Times for news that often aggravates\u00a0my nervous system and then I go to the computer. Writing is my meditation. I\u00a0don\u2019t sit with my legs crossed, my spine erect, my eyes closed, my thumb andfirst finger touching and I don\u2019t watch my breath. I prefer […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":2490,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2491","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2491","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2491"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2491\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2492,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2491\/revisions\/2492"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2490"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2491"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2491"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2491"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}