In the late eighties, I did volunteer work for AIDS patients and one of the trials people went through in their last days was their difficulty to ask for help and to receive it graciously. \u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
The late Stephen Levine said, \u201cWhat the world needs is more good receivers.\u201d<\/p>\n
I understand. I grew up early in life. I left home for Washington, DC to seriously study ballet when I was 14 and I lived alone from then on. I had to take care of myself because needing something from someone else felt risky. What if there was no one there to give me what I needed? I better learn to be independent. I began to believe it was shameful to need anything from someone else. That was what my father believed. But that made my relationships unbalanced and I\u2019ve had to train myself to
become as good at receiving as I am at giving.<\/p>\n
In my writing classes, after we write our pieces, we read them out loud. One day, one of my students wrote a glowing piece about another student. When she read it to all of us, it was so complimentary
and loving, the other woman looked devastated. She was having trouble hearing it, and when it was through, instead of receiving the compliments, she began talking about her unworthiness. I interrupted her. I rarely do that in my classes but the giver looked so dejected, I said, \u201cHow about just saying, \u2018Thank you?\u2019\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n
My mother had no capacity to receive. When my sister and I or even my father gave her a gift at any time, birthdays and Hanukkah included, she sent it back.<\/p>\n
Her microwave was being held together with tape and rubber bands. I sent her a new one. She sent it back.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe one I have works perfectly fine.\u201d<\/p>\n
My father gave her a beautiful nightgown from Nieman Marcus. She sent it back.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a waste. All I\u2019ll be doing is
sleeping in it.\u201d<\/p>\n
My sister sent her a cashmere sweater from Saks Fifth Avenue. She sent it back.<\/p>\n
\u201cI have plenty of sweaters.\u201d<\/p>\n
I was trying to figure out what to give her for her birthday one year, but since she didn\u2019t seem to like anything, I decided to send her flowers. Who doesn\u2019t like flowers? My mother didn\u2019t. She told me never to send her flowers again. They were a waste of money because they died. I was sorry I had bothered.<\/p>\n
My mother didn\u2019t think about how her rejection was affecting us. I know it\u2019s debatable whether or not you should keep a gift if it\u2019s something you don\u2019t like, but for me, I choose to receive it and say thank you, no matter what it is. It makes the giver feel good and I feel like I\u2019m giving something back.<\/p>\n
We\u2019ve all heard the following responses when someone can\u2019t receive a gift.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou did such a good job.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt wasn\u2019t me. It was a group
effort.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cThe meal you made was so delicious.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was a fluke. I really can\u2019t cook.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
And the most famous of all:<\/p>\n
\u201cI love your dress.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThis old thing?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Receiving heals us. Sometimes, when someone is ill, we feel helpless and when we give them something, we want to know it means something to them. All we want is to see them feeling good as we place our attention on something or someone besides ourselves. We forget about Number
One for a while and that is its own reward, one of the secret weapons of healing and recovery. Becoming a good receiver means that you are seeing the bigger picture of life in which we all give and take, love and receive love, and keep our eye on the prize \u2013 leading a happy and balanced life. If we\u2019re truly connected to each other rather than being isolated, we can see that when someone gives something to us, when we appreciate it and receive it with grace, it makes everyone feel satisfied.<\/p>\n
\u00a0When you are not willing to receive, you are training the Universe not to give it to you.<\/p>\n
. . . T. Harv Eker<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In the late eighties, I did volunteer work for AIDS patients and one of the trials people went through in their last days was their difficulty to ask for help and to receive it graciously. \u00a0\u00a0 The late Stephen Levine said, \u201cWhat the world needs is more good receivers.\u201d I understand. I grew up early […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":2794,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2795","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2795","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2795"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2795\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2796,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2795\/revisions\/2796"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2794"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2795"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2795"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.andreacagan.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2795"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}