Making Friends With the Devil<\/p>\n
Your mind can be a powerful and splendid ally. It can be a motivator, a planner and a supreme puzzle solver. But it\u2019s not necessarily your friend.<\/p>\n
I was in the grocery store when I passed the ice cream section. I saw boxes of chocolate ice cream bars covered with dark chocolate. Hagen Dazs. My favorite. I hesitated a moment. \u201cGo ahead,\u201d
a voice in my head encouraged me. \u201cBuy some. They\u2019re delicious.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey\u2019re bad for you,\u201d another voice said.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou always eat healthy,\u201d the first voice said. \u201cIt\u2019s one little ice cream bar. You deserve it.\u201d<\/p>\n
Remember those cartoons where someone has an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other and they\u2019re battling? Guess who won? I put a box of ice cream bars in my cart and I hurried
home so they wouldn\u2019t melt. I removed the paper covering on one of them and took a bite. My taste buds flooded with pleasure as I kept on eating \u2013 until the first voice, the devil voice, began singing a different tune. \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t be eating that,\u201d it told me. \u201cIt\u2019s unhealthy and it\u2019s fattening. You know better. Now you\u2019re screwed.\u201d<\/p>\n
I told the devil in a friendly voice to go take a walk and if I needed him, I\u2019d let him know. And I finished
my ice cream bar.<\/p>\n
Those of us with loud, persistent inner voices (isn\u2019t that all of us?) are faced with daily obstacles that are so familiar, they seem like old acquaintances that cause us suffering. I must not be doing this right, we tell ourselves. What if I\u2019d made a different choice? Is it better to deny myself or to feel guilty?<\/p>\n
How about making a third choice \u2013 doing what we want and feeling okay about it?<\/p>\n
When I was a kid, I thought that by the time I was in the third chapter of my life like I am now, I\u2019d have it all figured out. The inner critic would have gone away and a sense of all knowing would have replaced it. I was wrong. I was in a Stephen Levine workshop years ago, when he said that he was out in nature one day, sitting in the sun by a river, feeling good about himself when he heard a voice. It said, \u201cI forgive you for everything.\u201d He was stunned. He took it in and he felt light and free . . . until he said, \u201cYes but . . .\u201d<\/p>\n
We just can\u2019t take it in. We can\u2019t forgive ourselves for the things we did and the things we didn\u2019t do. It takes constant practice to rise above the darkness and leave ourselves alone.<\/p>\n
If we think we\u2019ve overcome our obstacles for good, that isn\u2019t a sign of enlightenment. It\u2019s a sign that we are expecting perfection. But it doesn\u2019t exist like that. The act of staying with ourselves in the face of fear or sadness carries its own kind of perfection. It\u2019s a commitment to stop abandoning ourselves and start appreciating ourselves, even if we think we don\u2019t deserve it. It\u2019s a commitment to stop listening to the devil when an old wound comes up. If we do, our lives will be filled with never ending suffering. If we recognize the source of our suffering and accept ourselves as we are, our lives will be filled with forgiveness and compassion.<\/p>\n
Diane Von Furstenberg says, \u201cYou\u2019re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.\u201d<\/p>\n
If we can be kind to ourselves when we feel shame and embarrassment, life will be gentler. When something difficult appears in my psyche that I\u2019ve dealt with over and over, I try to recognize it as my life\u2019s work. I say, \u201cWell here it is again. Big surprise.\u201d<\/p>\n
I try to be with myself in kind way. I don\u2019t expect the obstacles to disappear when I\u2019m kind, but they will get dimmer. Less powerful. I expect to keep learning from them and I hope I never stop. With all the spiritual work I\u2019ve done in my life, I\u2019ve learned that I\u2019m not the only one dealing with these things. I\u2019m not that special. I\u2019m in good company. If I feel something like that, so do you. We may have different
stories, we may have had different experiences but the way we feel is the same. We are all fellow travelers walking along the same path together.<\/p>\n
During my life, loneliness, fear and judgments have been constant companions. They\u2019re like visitors who never go home. As I\u2019ve confronted them daily, I\u2019ve learned that when I make a commitment
to treat myself with respect, when I don\u2019t burden myself with judgments and self-abuse, my life lessons don\u2019t seem so insurmountable. \u201cHere I am again,\u201d I tell myself, \u201cneeding to make choices. Big surprise.\u201d<\/p>\n
When I accept this practice as my life\u2019s work, I can surrender and stop fighting it. As long as I have something to work on that helps me grow, I have meaning in my life.<\/p>\n
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