In 1998, I began my serious writing career. I had been writing for many years, for as long back
as I could remember, but turning that into a career was a challenge. I had written my first book, “Awakening the Healer Within” for Simon & Schuster, when I was asked to collaborate with a self-help guru. After overcoming crippling anxiety, she had decided to write a book about her methods that had
served her well. She was well known as a teacher, she had gotten a book deal with a major publisher but she became paralyzed when she sat down to write.
I knew her. We had been introduced by a friend. She had written fifty pages and she was stuck.
She asked me if I could help her. When I said “Yes,” the Imposter Syndrome hit me hard. I had never helped anyone write their book before. What did I know? Who did I think I was?
I remember standing at the door of her bedroom on that first day. She gestured for me to come in and sit beside her on her bed. I walked with wooden legs. Her fifty pages were strewn across the duvet and she looked forlorn. I was terrified but I tried to look calm and self-confident. I didn’t know where to begin, so I decided to ask questions and let her do the talking. “What is your vision for this book?” I asked her.
She spoke about her personal experience and how she wanted to get it out into the world. How she wanted to keep growing personally and she thought she might learn more about herself. I nodded my head. When someone tells me they’re writing because their agent says it will be good for their career, I’m on red alert. When someone writes because they feel passionate about something, it’s a green
light.
I had read her pages and I said, “Your work is written well.” (It was.) “But it doesn’t capture a reader.” (It didn’t.) “I’d like you to tell your personal stories that will invite a reader to connect with you and follow your journey.”
She told me a story and then she began to write. She did it again. We continued for the rest of the day and I got through it somehow. I still felt like an imposter when I was leaving and I was dreading the moment when I would get found out. But I kept coming back.
Day after day, we fell into a rhythm and I realized that I knew a lot more than I thought I did. I got creative. I asked questions that encouraged my client to look deeper inside and the more we worked, the more I trusted myself to help her. I stopped feeling like an imposter. I was excited to see what we came up with. The feeling that I had no idea what to do went away. I was enjoying the process and the book became a No 1 bestseller. It was gratifying.
I thought that the Imposter Syndrome was gone with the success of that book, but it escalated
tenfold when I got the next job. I was hired to write a memoir for a legendary actress/singer. The words, “I get to write for this powerful woman,” changed into, “I have to write for this powerful woman.” When the deal was signed, I climbed into bed. “There’s no way I can do this,” I told myself. “They’re gonna see right through my act.” I got up and went to work and that book hit number 1 on the bestseller list like the first one did. I kept getting job after job. The publishers believed in me, the agents believed in me, the clients believed in me and finally, I was starting to believe in myself.
Fear of being inadequate and fraudulent are common in so many walks of life. Agreeing to do it anyway is not so common. In 1969, I was hired to act in a movie. It was the leading role and I was excited and amazed. I had never imagined being an actress but after the first day of shooting, when I saw the video and heard my voice, I waited to be fired. It was the opposite. They liked what I had done. I arrived every morning to shoot another scene. For a week or two I was terrified when I was in hair and makeup. I felt like I was a fraud and it was just a matter of time before they found me out. But it turned out to be one of the most satisfying experiences of my life.
People miss so many opportunities because they feel like they’re not up to the job. Any creative endeavor challenges your belief in yourself because there are no rules, no measuring sticks, no criteria to show whether or not you’re doing a good job. You’re on your own. It feels scary but if you love what you do and you place your full attention on what’s in front of you, you have a good chance
of being successful.
I was scared to death when I started to teach writing. I wanted to do it, I wanted to share my knowledge and find a creative community but I was sure I’d get tongue tied and not be able to answer any questions. I began to speak about my love of writing, the highs and the lows of it, and I realized that I knew what I was talking about. I found out that if I took it step by step, stayed in the present moment and did my best, things fell into place.
“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
Martin Luther
King
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